What happened + what’s going on

Well, hello there, friends! Long time no talk!

I don’t think I’ve ever gone so long without writing in my 7 years of blogging.

As regular TT readers know, I’ve been through a lot over the last two years or so, both physically and emotionally, and needed to disconnect from everything for a bit. I spent the last two weeks traveling through my home country of Poland with my husband.

To be quite honest, I had weeks of content ready to be scheduled to be published, but there were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to open up my laptop, and just decided to take a break, also from the Internets. I felt this huge need to completely clear my head.

It was the first time I’ve visited since losing my Granny and I knew that the trip would be emotionally exhausting.

During the last two weeks, I’ve cried more than I have in the last two years. But not all tears were tears of sorrow.

There were tears of happiness.

There were times I laughed so hard my stomach hurt- and I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt that way.

There was a lot of fear, a lot of surprises, lessons learned, a lot of breathtaking moments, but mostly I think I’ve found a lot of peace. It’s almost as if I finally got to see just how important some things are in our lives, and how irrelevant and unimportant are others.

I don’t often talk about what it’s like to have two places you get to call “home,” both being in two different parts of the world. It’s hard. One of the toughest things is always saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to my grandparents was always most difficult, and now that my Granny is gone, saying goodbye to my granddad was even more difficult. I loved being able to cook for him, help him put his socks on, or give him a haircut.

We spent a lot of nights talking about his life, our family history which I got to learn even more about. Whenever he talked about my Granny he’d call her “My Beautiful Flower” and I’d smile through tears.

Being able to revisit all the places I remember from my childhood is always a bittersweet experience. The fields where my cousin and I used to run around are now occupied by a beautiful restaurant where we now sat, her with her husband and their little boy, my husband and I, having dinner, drinking beer and laughing at every memory that came to mind.

I also got to witness my youngest cousin take his very first steps and was so glad I got to see him before the “new baby smell” wore off completely. His older brother, my godson, will turn 10 later this year and whenever I look at him, I wonder where has the time gone? Their mom and I grew up together and even though she’s my “aunt” we’re really more like sisters.

Mark and I did a ton of driving- we pretty much drove through half the country, had a lot of great talks, witnessed some amazing views and met so many great people.

In a way, I feel like I’ve been gone for months. I never go so long without working, and I was seriously worried that my dog wouldn’t recognize me once we got back home. Being disconnected from the digital world wasn’t as difficult as I thought it’d be. I spent a lot of nights meditating outside, and I found a lot of peace and clarity- both of which I craved so badly. I came back full of new energy and ideas.

So that’s what I’ve been up to for the last couple of weeks- running from the Internets and searching for peace. I’m back now and regular posting will resume this week.

Love you. Mean it.