Stuck in a rut.

Few weeks ago I had a nice conversation with my sister and somehow the topic steered toward my blog. She mentioned that she misses my girl-talk and relationships posts that I used to write when I first started blogging. I honestly haven’t noticed that these two categories have been neglected by me for the past year. I think that I sort of felt that since my blog started growing, I should blog in a certain way. When I first started my blog nearly two years a go (!) I wanted it to be a place where I could connect to other girls, where I could talk not only about beauty, food and fashion, but also life itself. I wanted to talk about my own life experiences, hear about others’ and share advice and inspiration with my readers. Somehow along the way I lost a bit of that “authenticity”. My dear friend Sophie recently wrote a great article about honesty that truly inspired me to make a change.

Ever since I jumped on the whole “positivity” train, I started avoiding negative places, thoughts, feelings and people and I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Last week, however, I’ve hit some kind of a “low” and had really bad few days (you know, those days when you don’t feel like doing much, can hardly get out of bed, feel sorry for yourself and have to force a smile.. we’ve all been there). I think that we all go through these feelings and emotions sometimes, so it’s most certainly something worth talking about.

Relationships with others are very important, but I think that THE most important relationship in our lives is the one that we have with ourselves. Last week when I was lying in bed on a Sunday afternoon, trying to decide whether or not I should get up, I came to a sudden conclusion that while I feel like I’m sitting in my mind-made-prison, I’m the one holding the key to that cage. It didn’t matter how many times someone tried to comfort me, or cheer me up. I didn’t feel any better until I, myself, decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. You know that saying “fake it ‘til you make it”? That’s exactly what I did to get out that rut that I found myself in. I literally forced myself out of bed and decided to challenge myself a bit. I went for a run, finally finished that book that has been sitting on my coffee table for months, cleaned the entire house, cooked a nice meal, I wrote in my journal, drafted a few blog posts, did some office work, took my dog for a walk and by the time the day ended, I was not only exhausted, but I felt better. I decided to keep trying, no matter how hard it seemed. All of a sudden, all those mean things that I’ve been telling myself in my mind for the last couple of days seemed so harsh and unnecessary.

I read a book few years ago, and for the love of me I cannot remember what book it was (it was most definitely one of those self-help books that I am obsessed with) but there was one thing that really stuck with me, and somehow it just came to my mind that Sunday evening. The author was talking about thinking of yourself as a child, seeing a young version of yourself and asked the question “Would you tell this little girl/boy that she/he is worthless? Would you tell her/him that she/he is stupid? Would you let them feel sad and feel stuck, or would you try to cheer them up and show them how beautiful and full of love life is?” I immediately pictured myself as that skinny little girl with long brown hair, wearing one of those red, puffy dresses that she hated so much, sitting in her room watching over her little sister. Then I saw myself standing over her, telling her how much I’m disappointed in her, how she should get her shit together instead of sitting here feeling sorry for herself. Really makes you think, doesn’t it?

I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you really do need to keep trying, no matter how hard it seems. You are unique and nothing can replace you. Don’t compare your journey to others and stop worrying what everyone else is doing, we all walk a different path, we all have something special to offer to the world. Do things that make you happy, compliment others, take risks and make mistakes; most importantly love yourself and realize how precious your are.